Is it sad that my mammogram was the best part of my day?

Sooooooo~~

I scheduled our sweet photographer to come out to the house yesterday, to take pics of the kids for our annual portraits, and perhaps for our 2009 Christmas card.

Bless her heart.

It was the morning after our Southern Blizzard. We had an overnight low of 25 degrees. That's cold for December down here, and so there was ice on the roads, frost on the cars, and fog when we breathed.

And she left her new baby girl at home (supervised, of course) to drive all the way through the ice to be here at 10a.m. for our photo shoot.

But none of that is really why I felt sorry for her.

I felt sorry for her because she walked in to what looked like was going to be an easy, relaxing job. The stockings were hung, Josh Groban was singing his Christmas cantata, coffee was brewing, not one toy lay on the floor, and all was quiet, as the baby was taking a nap and the other 3 were watching The Polar Express, waiting patiently in their fresh-pressed and coordinated outfits...quite lovely it all was.

And then...

AND THEN...

Well, did I ever show you what happened last year?

No?

Sorry. Let me get you up to speed:

Not sure why I thought this year would be better, or easier, or...successful!

I mean, what photo-op is complete without the red-faced toddler screaming at every suggestion made to accommodate her in between picking her nose, the baby crawling after you the minute you set him down, the 6 year old slumping his body and looking at the camera all bug-eyed, and the 5 year old squinting her eyes, scrunching her nose and gritting her teeth in an attempt at a 'cute' smile, while the photographer talks in funny baby voices, and you are jumping up and down behind her in an attempt to make the kids all look and smile in the same direction, thus burning more calories in a span of two hours than a week's worth of advance boot camp at your local YMCA?

None, I tell you. None!

So when the war it was all over, and the embattled photographer left saying she will try to find any shot that might be salvageable, and the war-zone house was cleaned up from the bombing chaos (including all my pillows off my made-up bed!--WHEN did they go in my room?!?!), and my sweet sister-in-law arrived to sit with the kids, I went to my appointment.

It took me the whole 3 miles/15 minute drive of drinking a bottle of water, listening to Christmas music, and deep breathing to not feel like I needed to curl up in a ball and suck my thumb.

And so, when I walked into the imaging center, it was SO quiet and peaceful, I felt relief. I know it sounds weird (and sad, really), but in a place that would drive most women to worry, fear, and anxiety, I found a much needed respite. From the receptionist who spoke so kindly and in such a sweet, quiet voice, to the technician attending to me who was just lovely and helpful and kind and respectful and who listened to what I said and answered my questions.

AND I got to dress and undress privately. Without anyone asking me, "What are those?" or saying, "I have to touch your belly", or grabbing a hold of my knees, throwing their head back and wailing at me to pick them up.

*sigh*

Alas, I did not want to leave.

I wanted to stay and have more mammograms.

There is something seriously wrong with my head, isn't there?

(an aside--I learned a few things about mammograms that I'll share later, but for now I will just say for the record--DO NOT LISTEN TO THE RECENT GOVERNMENT RECOMMENDATIONS. GET YOUR GIRLS CHECKED OUT!!! IT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE!!!)

(and I will hopefully post an update on our Christmas/family portraits)

(here's to wishful thinking!)

Everything You Always Wanted To Know About How We Celebrate Christmas **

**but didn't care enough to ask***

***and I swiped this from Missy's blog because she said I could****

****and I copied some of her answers, too, because I am also "Fat and Lazy"*****

*****and I'm hoping this puts me back on the blogging-bandwagon.

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Egg Nog*. And let's just say a prayer of thanks that it is not readily available year-round. That would be my thighs doing the thanking. *Why does the spell check say that's not right?

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Santa is a fat lazy man. Unwrapped. (COPIED from Missy!)


3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? White. But fat lazy Santa is also seriously considering not putting up lights outside this year. (DITTO, Missy!)


4. Do you hang mistletoe? No. I guess we are Scrooges.


5. When do you put your decorations up? When Christmas is over, of course. I get them out a few weeks before.


6. What is your favorite holiday dish? Sweet potato casserole with mini-marshmallows on top.


7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child? I can't remember at the moment. But I have lots of favorites with my own children now.


8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I learned that Santa is fat and lazy circa 2003 (RIPPED right off Missy's page!)


9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. My oldest son once found a gift in a stocking on December 5th, because SOME ELF couldn't wait until Christmas. That's a fun explanation.


10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? I take an ornament, a put a little hook on it, I hang it on the tree. (TAKEN from (you guess it) Missy!)


11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? Love it. But we get ice here, which I dread. Until today! We had our own Southern Blizzard for about an hour. Not one flake stuck.
Yet.


12. Can you ice skate? Yes. But I haven't since I was 10. And I'm not gonna try now. Unless I have lots of egg nog to provide the padding.


13. Do you remember your favorite gift? No. (Have memory issues, much?)


14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you? Oh, I guess if I were really pressed, I would have to say THE BIRTH OF JESUS CHRIST(BEST ANSWER EVER! Thanks, Missy!)


15. What is your favorite holiday dessert? Divinity. It's...divine! Need I say more?


16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Baking cookies with my kids.


17. What tops your tree? My husband.


18. Which do you prefer, giving or receiving? Giving. First, I love to shop! And, second, I love to listen throughout the year to what people want. Most of the time, they forget that they even said it, and they are so surprised at Christmas. I love the looks on their faces.


19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? A lot of them, but there are a few I could live without. (Again with the Scrooging.)


20. Candy Canes: Yuck or Yum? Bah, Humbug!


21. Favorite Christmas Show? The Polar Express is my new favorite, but I live for the claymation Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer every year. And also It's Christmas, Charlie Brown! And of course there's The Christmas Carol. A classic for Scrooges and Cratchets alike!


22. Saddest Christmas Song? Are there really sad Christmas songs? Christmas isn't supposed to be sad. All Christmas songs should be happy songs. Some, however, are quite annoying. (see #19)


Join us in the Scrooging Christmas spirit! Post on your own blog, or just leave answers in the comments here. (If there's anyone even here reading this, that is.)

(Probably not.)

(It's been too long since I last posted and I'm afraid that my one reader has given up.)

(*sigh*)