Yowzah!
Seriously?
It's been since MARCH that I've posted? It honestly seems like last week that I ventured, solo, into the Rodeo Arena with all the kids (for which I feel I deserve a platinum medal, because, hellooooo!? I left with as many kids as I’d shown up with, and was only down one pacifier--which is a goal I’ve had for this year anyway and can now cross off my list! WOO-HOO!)
But, where has the time gone?
I somewhat feel like I’ve been asleep all this time. Only I couldn’t have been sleeping because I’m not feeling all that rested!
My calendar shows that life actually happened, but I hardly remember any of it-just a blur of activities and doctor's appointments, piano lessons and ballet recitals, baseball and gymnastics, BSF and enrichment classes, church stuff and family stuff, and, let’s see, what else??........oh yeah, HOME SCHOOLING!!!
To tell you the truth, I’ve just not been able to make the time to write on my blog, much less drum up the energy. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, life has gotten really good as of late.
You see, God has (finally) gotten my attention (again) (why do we never really LEARN?) and because I’m now paying more attention, I can better see His will for my life; at least for my life right now.
I’m not one to say that I’ve got His plan all figured out and my life mapped out for the rest of my days, but I CAN say that I’ve seen the direction in which He has intended for me to go, and, more than that, I see how He has equipped me to go there.
And, more so, I see how He is changing me.
It is a change of heart, of focus, and of mind.
Change is never easy. It’s hard work. And while we can sometimes see how, ideally, it is good for us, change is not always what we really want to deal with.
But the Lord has gently (and sometimes severely) convicted me greatly in many areas of my life, not the least of which is the legacy I’m leaving for my kids; in fact, I’d say that has become the catalyst for this change.
At one point in the middle of this past Spring, I came to find myself living two lives.
My first life was planned out on paper, with big goals and ideas, schedules, calendars, and to-do lists. I was in charge of this and that, a contributor to those and these, an overseer of much, a doer of more; and all in the name of education, church work, volunteerism, serving others, 'me time', and, quite sadly, Jesus.
The other one, the REAL life, was what my kids (and my Dear Husband) actually saw: a life of chaos, frantic rushing here and there, raising of voices, impatience, frustration, the calling of babysitters, my face time with the computer, my voice time on the phone, more babysitters, excuses, fatigue, temper tantrums, and very little fun.
Blessedly, God provided a wake-up call (well, it was actually a series of calls on which I kept hitting the snooze button. You name it, I heard it, but I pretended NOT to. I muffled it, pounded it to shreds, or shouted back at it to ‘hush already!’.), and I awoke to find myself in the middle of nowhere on this journey that I felt God had clearly laid out before us two years ago. And I had to really take a hard, honest look at whether or not I had truly committed myself to it.
And what I found was that I hadn't. I had just said, "Okay, I'll do this if You want me too.", without actually applying the best of my abilities.
Legacy.
That's the word that kept floating around me and finally hit me in the head.
Legacy.
What was I showing my kids about life?
Legacy.
What images of myself were I leaving for them to remember?
Legacy.
What attitude was I teaching them to have?
Legacy.
What am I leaving them that they will want pass on to their own children and grandchildren?
Legacy.
Yes. It was time for change. A change of my heart. A change of my focus.
One thing I love about God is the beautiful gift of confirmation that He often gives us as we charge ahead, with our tasks laid out before us, even as we are called "crazy", "ill-equipped", "misguided", "idealistic", or (my favorite) "unqualified".
Twice in these few short months of summer I've been given confirmation that dropping my "responsibilities" was absolutely the right thing to do (not that I don't have ANY responsibilities anymore...we are just more purposeful in choosing them and in attending to them).
The first was through my summer Bible study on the book of Ruth. Title of the study book? Ruth: Loss, Love and Legacy. Apropos, no?
The second was through this post written by a fellow homeschoolingsoldier mom. In it she shares a Bible verse that sums up exactly how I feel.
That's another thing I love about God. Everything I want to say, but can't quite express? He's already said it!
Seriously?
It's been since MARCH that I've posted? It honestly seems like last week that I ventured, solo, into the Rodeo Arena with all the kids (for which I feel I deserve a platinum medal, because, hellooooo!? I left with as many kids as I’d shown up with, and was only down one pacifier--which is a goal I’ve had for this year anyway and can now cross off my list! WOO-HOO!)
But, where has the time gone?
I somewhat feel like I’ve been asleep all this time. Only I couldn’t have been sleeping because I’m not feeling all that rested!
My calendar shows that life actually happened, but I hardly remember any of it-just a blur of activities and doctor's appointments, piano lessons and ballet recitals, baseball and gymnastics, BSF and enrichment classes, church stuff and family stuff, and, let’s see, what else??........oh yeah, HOME SCHOOLING!!!
To tell you the truth, I’ve just not been able to make the time to write on my blog, much less drum up the energy. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, life has gotten really good as of late.
You see, God has (finally) gotten my attention (again) (why do we never really LEARN?) and because I’m now paying more attention, I can better see His will for my life; at least for my life right now.
I’m not one to say that I’ve got His plan all figured out and my life mapped out for the rest of my days, but I CAN say that I’ve seen the direction in which He has intended for me to go, and, more than that, I see how He has equipped me to go there.
And, more so, I see how He is changing me.
It is a change of heart, of focus, and of mind.
Change is never easy. It’s hard work. And while we can sometimes see how, ideally, it is good for us, change is not always what we really want to deal with.
But the Lord has gently (and sometimes severely) convicted me greatly in many areas of my life, not the least of which is the legacy I’m leaving for my kids; in fact, I’d say that has become the catalyst for this change.
At one point in the middle of this past Spring, I came to find myself living two lives.
My first life was planned out on paper, with big goals and ideas, schedules, calendars, and to-do lists. I was in charge of this and that, a contributor to those and these, an overseer of much, a doer of more; and all in the name of education, church work, volunteerism, serving others, 'me time', and, quite sadly, Jesus.
The other one, the REAL life, was what my kids (and my Dear Husband) actually saw: a life of chaos, frantic rushing here and there, raising of voices, impatience, frustration, the calling of babysitters, my face time with the computer, my voice time on the phone, more babysitters, excuses, fatigue, temper tantrums, and very little fun.
Blessedly, God provided a wake-up call (well, it was actually a series of calls on which I kept hitting the snooze button. You name it, I heard it, but I pretended NOT to. I muffled it, pounded it to shreds, or shouted back at it to ‘hush already!’.), and I awoke to find myself in the middle of nowhere on this journey that I felt God had clearly laid out before us two years ago. And I had to really take a hard, honest look at whether or not I had truly committed myself to it.
And what I found was that I hadn't. I had just said, "Okay, I'll do this if You want me too.", without actually applying the best of my abilities.
Legacy.
That's the word that kept floating around me and finally hit me in the head.
Legacy.
What was I showing my kids about life?
Legacy.
What images of myself were I leaving for them to remember?
Legacy.
What attitude was I teaching them to have?
Legacy.
What am I leaving them that they will want pass on to their own children and grandchildren?
Legacy.
Yes. It was time for change. A change of my heart. A change of my focus.
One thing I love about God is the beautiful gift of confirmation that He often gives us as we charge ahead, with our tasks laid out before us, even as we are called "crazy", "ill-equipped", "misguided", "idealistic", or (my favorite) "unqualified".
Twice in these few short months of summer I've been given confirmation that dropping my "responsibilities" was absolutely the right thing to do (not that I don't have ANY responsibilities anymore...we are just more purposeful in choosing them and in attending to them).
The first was through my summer Bible study on the book of Ruth. Title of the study book? Ruth: Loss, Love and Legacy. Apropos, no?
The second was through this post written by a fellow homeschooling
That's another thing I love about God. Everything I want to say, but can't quite express? He's already said it!
I think I'm going to download the audible version of that verse and add it to my Blackberry as my alarm clock wake-up ring.
Who wouldn't want to rise and shine with that as a wake-up call?
Van Winkle
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